He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
