My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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