I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
