Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
