I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
