He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
