The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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