yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
