You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
