im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
