Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
