So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
