Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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