Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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