I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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