"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize