Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
