You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
