im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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