I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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