I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
smell my finger.
is wine microwaveable?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
