Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
