I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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