And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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