I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
