You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
