I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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