Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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