We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
