By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
found the other keg... it's in the tree
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
