its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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