we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
