The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
