I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
