He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
