Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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