You just made me feel so damn special
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
