Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
