Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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