He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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