he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
