I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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