guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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