I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
