Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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