I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
