he wants to bone in the snuggie
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
