Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I died a long time ago.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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