Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
