I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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