when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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