A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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