She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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