my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
