So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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