Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize