We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize